I didn’t expect to find profoundness when I sat down for a viewing of the Nanny McPhee movie the other day.

But hasn’t it always been an age-old dilemma for us humans - caught in between our wants and needs like tidal waves, never knowing for sure if they will lead us to the safety of the shore, or take us further into the abyss of the ocean?

Need. It sounds simple enough. But just how important is a need? How does it uphold itself when placed against something else - love?

Many people would say that love is the most powerful feeling you can have. Just three words, I love you, can translate to an infinite tapestry of meanings and intentions.

While I cannot deny the depth of this emotion we call love, I was always more intrigued by the gravitational pull that a need brings.

Because really, you can love someone but does it come hand in hand with needing them too?

To me, love represents freedom, ray of lights, possibilities, vast openness, and a steady stream of heartbeats.

And need just seems to be the polar opposite end of the spectrum… entrapment, darkness, entanglement, lack of breathing space, and the occasional skip in heartbeats.

One gives you wings to let you fly, and the other, roots that bind you.

There’s no right answer, but I know my preference and the precise reason is this -

Once upon a time, someone said to me, “I need you.”

Those words instantly placed cage bars around me. I thought of fleeing, but how could I walk away when my existence meant something to someone?

And in that moment, I realized that he has made me need him too.

It’s when you know that there could be a million stars that dot the night sky, but only one will shine unceasingly until you have been safely guided to port. A place for the heart to call home.

Years gone by now, there have been numerous chapters that started and ended with differing characters. And till today I know that giving up on him was, ultimately the hardest thing I had to do.

Yes, even harder than needing him in the first place.

I’m being increasingly convinced that, apart from your parents, only your truly good friends would know just what you need without you having to voice it out.

I thought tonight’s cure would involve alcohol and cigarettes.

However, it turns out that the essential ingredients were more along the lines of yummy bak kut teh from THE famous shop in Kepong called Ka Ka (like finally, after craving it for over a year now!).

And not forgetting good company in the form of a caring friend who kept asking what I wanted to do next. The feeling that the night was all mine, it was so foreign that I didn’t quite know how to take it all in. So I decided it was time to head home at 2.30AM.

This week hasn’t been the easiest to go through, but I guess I’ll just have to deal with it one problem at a time without forgetting to smile every once in awhile. And well, knowing that I’m blessed with this thing called Friendship.. it helps in many wondrous ways.

Posted by Wordmobi

“So it’s next week right?”

I laughed a little. “Next week? No I don’t think so..”

“Isn’t it on the 4th? Or was it the 14th…”

“… You can check Facebook if you like.”

“Well I remember it has a ‘4′ in it.”

“Maybe it’s the 34th then.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

At that, I smiled without smiling and let the subject slide.

After all, it was just another date, to mark just another number.

I made a huge mess of everything, and now I have to figure out how to clean it all up somehow.

Wish me luck <3 Have a good Thursday, folks.