So the Backstreet Boys are finally here on our shores to hold a proper concert.

Unfortunately I have a feeling it’s arrived about 10 years too late.

I’ll be the first to admit, I was a HUGE fan of BSB back in their glory days. I had their albums and posters, and I faithfully memorized each trivia bit of these Florida-based boys down to the last detail. My favourite was - no, it wasn’t Nick Carter! - it was really Brian Littrell aka B-Rok™. Yeah yeah I even remembered his nickname. :P Laugh all you like, but honestly it was fun being a teenybopper. :D

Anyways, I actually quite enjoy their latest songs still. But somehow… I dunno, I guess the excitement and the magic are gone.

It’s sorta like harbouring a crush when you’re 14, and now that you’re an adult and you finally get a chance at a date with the guy… Would you still go for it? LoL For me, I just wonder if it’s relevant any longer. :)

So yeahh, I decided not to go… Though for those who are attending the concert tonight, I bet it’ll be a blast for both their new and old fans coz I believe BSB are seasoned performers and entertainers. Oh, and please tell B-Rok Brian that I said hi ya? :D Heh heh.

Day 7 and I’m still a sick li’l munchkin. :( At its worst a few days ago, my voice was almost gone amidst the choking cough and overwhelming flu. I honestly could hardly speak. Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed so hard when SCG was sick a couple of weeks ago and he’d lost his voice, so he had to talk in a whisper and type out messages using his phone. Karma baby, karma! Tsk.

Still trying to establish a somewhat healthy lifestyle for 2008, I’ve been going jogging walking every evening with Shaun the coursemate. It’s been good to take in the fresh air, stopping every so often to admire the neighbourhood’s adorable doggies… Although it was hard for us to walk past all the burger stalls with their inviting scents - “We must resist! Just walk straight and don’t look!” Haha. :P

It’s sad that Gosh Josh is quitting the program and leaving us at the end of this month, but good on him for getting a better job offer. :) Plus his new office will be right next to our building anyway, so I suppose we won’t need to miss him that much after all. LoL There’ll be a clubbing outing planned for his farewell, though I guess it’s mostly just an excuse for us to go clubbing again. Eesh eesh.

Jumper is my favourite movie of the year so far. Hayden Christensen’s acting is as versatile as a flat chopping board, but he’s great eye candy so I’m not complaining. :D I watched Vantage Point on the same day, but it wasn’t as heart-stoppingly exciting as anticipated. A lot of people in the cinema groaned when they saw the same scene starting over and over again, but through different perspectives of course. Haha Malaysian viewers get impatient really easily I guess. :P

I’ve been forced to avoid all cold drinks in this time of illness, and yet I’ve been to Starbucks 3 times this week. It’s tragic that I couldn’t have my usual Mocha Frappucino Ice Blended. :( But I’ve learned to enjoy their Hazelnut Hot Chocolate, so it’s not so bad.

My dear friend from high school, Miao Miao, was back from New Zealand for a visit. It’s good to see her after like, 2 years?! We went crazy with eating and shopping at the Taman Connaught pasar malam. :D I got myself a couple of music CDs and necklaces, then I had to refrain from doing more financial damage to my wallet. Who knew you could spend so much at a night market..!

What do you do with toxic relationships? What happens when one too many promises gets broken and it becomes a strain to keep things going? At which point do you say enough is enough? Is stupidity a curable condition? Can I possibly Google all these questions and hope to find the answers?!! ;( *slaps self*

And lastly… Gossip and rumours are just evil. ‘Nuff said.

Surprise surprise, I’ve been neglecting my blog again… Honestly, this time it was coz I have too much to say, that I never know where to start. Life’s been coming in huge doses lately, and it gets hard to swallow sometimes.

I guess the ‘highlight’ of the week has to be the angry outbursts. The temper tanthrums. The childish retorts. The moody silences. And of course, the remorse that always comes too late after. *smacks forehead*

All these stuff - I’m not proud to admit them, but I’m posting this up anyway in hope that I’ll be reminded to keep a cool head from now on. It’s not easy though, when some people just simply bring out the worst in you somehow. Grrr. Yeahh, now you know just how much of a drama queen I am. Ahahah. -_-”

Aaaaanyways, I shall write something more interesting and more update-like the next round. Right now I’m just too busy trying to make sense of everything that’s been going on! I’ll leave you with this story I got from an email forward like, 5 years ago or something. I guess it was originally written in Chinese and got translated to English, but the meaning remains very much intact. It’s one story that stuck through the years, and I still think about it every so often. LoL It’s a pretty typical tale, yet soul-stirring (I wonder if it’s all true), you should definitely read it if you haven’t before. :)

Leaf, Tree, and Wind
“Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay~”

Tree
The reason I’m called Tree is because I’m good at painting trees.
Over time I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There’s one gal whom I love a lot but never dare go after her.
She doesn’t have a pretty face, doesn’t have a good figure, doesn’t have outstanding charm.
She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me.
I’m also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I’m also afraid other’s gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she’s my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don’t have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watched me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I’m a very demanding director.
When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said “Go on!” before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely didn’t want to think about what caused her to cry but laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn’t know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn’t like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she’s not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn’t care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laughed & joked with me like nothing had ever happened.
I know that she was very hurt but she didn’t know that my heart ache was as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I knew who was the guy. He had been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and
interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.

I can’t show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reached home, the heart ache was so strong that I couldn’t stand it.
It was like a heavy stone in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. Wanted to shout but couldn’t.
Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn’t acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven’t read it since then. It says “Leaf ’sdeparture is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay?”

Leaf
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves.
Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she had been relying on for so long, it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can’t be describe by using a lemon. It’s like 100 rotten sour lemons.
Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness.

But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won’t he pursue me? Since he loves me why he doesn’t want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I began to suspect that this was a one sided love. If he doesn’t like me, why does he treat me so well.
It’s beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can’t expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It’s like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wondered should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Every day he pursuited me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I’m willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.

He’s like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & to a better land. Finally I left Tree, but the tree only smiled & didn’t ask me to stay. Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay?

Wind
Because I like a gal called Leaf. Because she’s so dependent on Tree so I have to be a gust of wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there’s jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,there’s a smile in her eyes.
Looking at her became my habit. Just like how she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn’t appear. I felt something was amissed. I can’t explain the feeling except it’s a kind of uneasiness. The senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & passed me a note and left. Leaf’s heart is too heavy and wind couldn’t blow her away.

It’s not that Leaf’s heart is too heavy. It’s because Leaf never wanted to leave the Tree.
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic.
But I never gave up. If I decided I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can’t remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend.

I didn’t hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, “What are you doing? How come you don’t want to reply?” She said, “I’m nodding my head”. “Ah?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m nodding my head,” she replied loudly. I hung up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & pressed her door bell. The moment she opened the door I hugged her tightly.

Leaf’s departure is because of Wind’s pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay?

I’ve been having too many birthday cakes (not to mention liquor and beer too :P) for the past week… Just look at the list of birthday babes below!

Jan 30th - Kimberly Chu aka Ah Wai’s girlfriend :D
Feb 1st - Justin Eing
Feb 3rd - Tommy Chng
Feb 4th - Joanne Chan aka Ivan’s girlfriend :D
Feb 5th - Hui Chin and Aaron Choo

Lotsa get togethers, lotsa celebrations, lotsa happy wishes… It’s all the good stuff that birthdays bring! :)

‘Course, it also means officially being one year older, but heyy we can always (try to) age gracefully, rite? *is in denial* Hahaha. My turn’s coming up in a couple of months, which is ridiculously fast. >.< 24?!! Omg. Like RongPing was saying, it still feels like we're all only 21 or 22. Our minds just can't catch up as quickly!

- - - -

So I’ve been wanting to blog about this for days now… About destiny and stuff..

See, the other night on the drive back from Sanctuary, Shaun my coursemate was telling me about how he came this close to joining BAT (British American Tobacco), but due to a series of unfortunate events, his score ended up being one point away from the passing mark of the very last 4th stage of the interview. That was when he decided to accept the offer of the management trainee program we’re both currently enrolled in.

When I heard about it, I went “oh crap!” coz there were definitely tons of benefits that came with being a BAT employee - free cartons of cigarette every month, a company car, etc.

Shaun laughed and said, “Well look at it this way. If I had gotten in, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation right now, and having had so much fun at Sanctuary just now!”

And it got me thinking just how much destiny plays a role in all this, and wondering if it was all pre-determined? See, in my case, I was actually waiting for my first choice of employers to call me back, but due to some internal human resources issue, they decided not to hire anyone new in the end. And so left with no other alternatives, I decided to put my signature down on the offer letter by said program, of which I almost missed out on entirely if it hadn’t been for my dad who was flipping through the newspapers. He was the one who saw the recruitment ad and encouraged me to send in my application, as he knew I wasn’t too happy with working in the advertising field at the time.

As it turns out, I’m glad I went down this road, with an entirely different industry and drinking in new knowledge every day - though daily 6-hour classes can be a challenge to sit through! But still, the level of exposure we’re getting makes it all worth it. And of course, there are these people I’ve met too - Sara, Geetha, Meera, SCG, Shaun, Nicholas, Josh, Justin, Bryan, Rachel, Fiza, Nor, and so many more. It’s like having a whole new extended family. :D

Imagine, both Meera and SCG were my seniors in MMU and we never crossed paths until this program, I think. Wow.

Having said all that, I also started to muse on those people who chose NOT to be employed into the program. Were they happy with their decision? Did they have second thoughts? Would I have gained one more new friend if they had joined? Or did I lose out on meeting a lousy person? Maybe there was a hot guy who was supposed to have come in but circumstances arose and changed his path?

LoL I guess we’ll never know for sure. There’s just so many possibilities and variances! As for me I always try not to look back too much and drown myself in regrets. ;) So yeahh, there’s no regrets in this case of going back to sort of being a student and hitting the books all over again for 6 months, after which will be 6 months of internship. Okie wait, almost no regrets…

… if only I didn’t have to wake up at 6AM every day just to get myself to KL before 9AM…!! *sighs* :P

Don’t mind the hastily constructed sentences of this entry… I had less than 5 hours of sleep, which is a shame seeing as today’s a holiday and the weather is perfectly rainy - I should be snoozing till at least lunch time! Arghh this is so wrong.

Came home at 5AM after a night out at Sanctuary to celebrate our boy Justin’s 25th birthday with the usual bunch of coursemates - Jacklyn, Rachel, Angie, Ching Tze, Shaun, Bryan, SCG, Nicholas, Josh. I guess the combination of alcohol and adrenaline and also maggi sup was not conducive for sleeping, coz I was still wide awake after lying on the bed for over an hour despite feeling extremely exhausted. ;(

Still not ready to talk about the things that went wrong last night. It’s funny coz at the beginning of the week I thought whatever the issue was, it’d been resolved. But I know better now. The problem’s still there. It’s ALWAYS there. And I don’t even know who to blame anymore..

I look at you looking at me, and there were no words to be found fit for speaking.

Yeah yeah, what an emo post for a Friday noon right? *smacks self* Well hopefully I’ll be able to get everything sorted out this weekend. I really should anyway, for the sake of my sanity. Wish me luck! *sighs*

This song’s good but it never struck me as particularly interesting, until I got ahold of its lyrics. And now it’s the only song I listen to! Go figure.

Tongue Tied

–Faber Drive