I’m just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze and love is a riddle. I don’t know where to go. Can’t do it alone, I’ve tried and I don’t know why…

I am just a little girl lost in the moment. I’m so scared, but I don’t show it. I can’t figure it out. It’s bringing me down. I know I got to let it go and just enjoy the show.

Slow it down, make it stop. Or else my heart is going to pop. Cos it’s too much, yeah it’s a lot, to be something I’m not.

For some reason this morning I dreamt I had an iPhone.

And the best part was, when the alarm on my phone rang to wake me up, I was sleepily thinking, I’m so lazy to open my eyes. How do I know where to touch on the iPhone screen in order to switch off the alarm?!

Hahaha. That was a weird moment. I was so relieved when I grasped my phone and realized it was still the same old lovable Nokia of mine. Not Apple. Nokia. :D Pheww.

I’ll admit that I’ve never been a big fan of Apple products, and unfortunately the iPhone won’t be the gadget to convert me either. ;)

I blame the iPhone dream on SCG. He keeps going on and on about how he plans to get an iPhone…. as his SECOND phone. Who uses a RM2k-plus phone as a back up mobile anyway?! Pfft show-off. :P

It’s been months now and I’m still contemplating on getting a new phone. Blehs. I haven’t decided yet but I guess if it happens, it’ll most probably be a mainstream bestselling phone like…

… the Nokia E71.
What do you think?

Georgia: Ally, what makes your problems… bigger, than everyone else’s?
Ally: Well, because they’re mine.

–Ally McBeal

The weekend has given me a whole new perspective on a lot of different levels. From the conversations that took place, to the viewing of He’s Just Not That Into You last night… so much could be gained from that 2 hours of intricate scenes and stream of dialogue.

I know recently I’ve been wrapped up in unhealthy emotions -
unhappiness
dissatisfaction
disappointment
exhaustion
isolation
boredom

You name it, I probably had it. I dunno how but at some point I’ve become jaded with life, no longer believing it has anything good to offer. Every day became a struggle, weighed down by troubled thoughts and feeling like I’d lost my way.

I was being swallowed whole by my own misery, it was insane.

Being a stubborn person, sharp scolding and well-intentioned advice couldn’t shake me at all. The harsh truth was thrown right to my face and all I could think of was an escape route, a safe place to hide from the world. I forgot who I was supposed to be, and yet I didn’t like it when others told me how I should behave and think.

But you know what? Kindness… That was the thing that sank in deep with me. Last weekend I witnessed the human’s great capacity for kindness, and I was humbled.

I won’t go into details, but all I can say is that I was changed, because someone was willing to change for me. It took a bigger person to show me just how small I was acting.

At the back of my mind, I knew of course that there were tons more people out there who had it much worse than me. Yet I was still shocked by the gentle wake-up call. A slight nudge, but it hit me like a great tidal wave.

Perhaps happiness doesn’t necessarily have to be my own. I suppose one can find just as much joy in uplifting another person’s life. :) :) Yeah I’ve always wanted things done my way, and I guess I always will (haha -_-”).. but when it starts to affect those around me, then it’s time for me to take a step back and work on the best solution for everyone.

A moment of clarity.

I’m glad it came when it did.

Have a good week ahead, folks. :D

Well this week has been interesting. I turned 25 and had a surprise party thrown for me on Monday night (thanks to Chris’s wonderfully scheming mastermind :P). Thanks everyone who came, you guys made my night. =) Pictures and narrative to come soon. Don’t I always say that and nothing follows through after that? Haha well trust me this time mmkay. I’m a year older and have ‘turned over a new leaf’, as my buddy Chuah likes to say. LoL

Yesterday was Dan’s birthday bash at BarCelona. Everyone had plenty of liquor and plenty of crazy fun, I’m sure! Happy birthday, Danny Boy. You’re 27 OMG. Mwahaha. :D Also thanks to SCG for tagging along, it must be great for him to experience some decent night life again which is lacking from his new life in Kampar. Teehee.

Carmen told me that watching He’s Just Not That Into You has made her realize there’s no such thing as true love. LoL How depressing is that? ;( In general, I feel like lately there’s too much talk and thoughts on love, fate, emotional dependency, expectations, loyalty, regret, and THAT breaking point. Why can’t life just be simple and fall into neat little pieces? Or is that too much to ask for? Hmm.

Carmen has also observed that in her circle of friends, couples are all either breaking up, or getting married. It’s one or the other. Gosh. I wonder if it’s true. Which one are YOU? :)

Three more random pictures captured on my phone:

Valentine’s Day roses, February

Grainy picture #1: Ballet flat shoes for a comfy Friday at the office

Grainy picture #2: Saw a white Nissan Skyline in front of my car on a rainy night

Grumpy day. So this is going to be of random pictures that I’ve taken with the crappy 2.0 megapixel phone camera of my Nokia 6300. More to be added soon…

For now, photos snapped at the eateries in my office building.

This was SCG’s usual breakfast with a ton of weird stuff - fried noodles, egg, sausage, and French toast. Plus the never-to-be-missed glass of OJ.

Potato salad for lunch, yum. It comes along with leafy greens, eggs, and turkey ham.

The mamak stall has pretty good fried chicken and Indian-style potatoes, which I always have with rice. Awesome!

To be continued! I’m off to read New Moon now, tata. *waves*

This song is very ‘me’ for today. :D

Alanis Morrissette - Hand In My Pocket

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I’m sober
I’m young and I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah
I care but I’m restless
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is flicking a cigarette
What is all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I’m free but I’m focused
I’m green but I’m wise
I’m hard but I’m friendly baby
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby
What it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab…

It’s the little things.

Like a spontaneous drive down to Bangsar for McDonald’s at 3 in the morning.

And on the brightly lit highway back to Cyberjaya, I see BK and XY are asleep in the backseats. But at the front, our conversation continues to flow like an endless river.

David Tao’s Hu Die (Butterfly) comes on and you smile, “This is a nice song, isn’t it?”

I nod.

You must not know it, but this precise song reminds me of you.

Mei ci yi jian dao ni, xin li hao ping jing, jiu xiang yi zhi hu die, fei guo fei xu…

I hear the chorus and with a sidelong glance at you, the meaning rings clear.

I was 18 and I had tasted joy in a way unfamiliar to me before - simple, pure and whole.

This is quite overdue but I have to publicly say a huge THANK YOU to Ivan and Joanne for this unexpected early birthday gift: www.htotheizzo.com :D :D

It was a very thoughtful gesture, and I will no longer doubt Ivan when he goes around telling people that he’s the nicest guy on Earth (and nobody bothers to listen). LoL

Everything that was previously 404.stanch.net will be redirected to the new domain, and so I think a new design is in order yes? It will come, no worries! The moment I find some spare time which isn’t used for snoozing, that is. ;)

This morning I’d like to mention the cafe at Level 6 of my office, specifically the mamak stall which I frequent at least once a day. Hehe yeahh. My breakfast today was FOC thanks to them, just because I passed them the RM200 to clear an event catering bill last month. How nice is that?

Somehow the people working at a mamak always seems a bit more friendly, don’t they? There’s this one purely Indian dude there who speaks better Cantonese than me, it’s so amusing everytime I talk to him. He’s back at work today after a long absence - he said he was in Singapore looking at some shops. I guess they’re expanding, good for them. :P

Also, the mamak people have grown to recognize the regulars, especially SCG. Back when SCG was still working here (he’s since moved on to Public Bank in Kampar, Perak :P), his daily orange juice would be quickly made for him the moment he was spotted. So on the first day that he left, all the workers there were asking me where SCG was. They kept mentioning “orange juice”, ahahah.

I’ve got one or two pictures to post here but it’ll have to wait till I’m at home. I’ll just go back to being lethargic for the rest of the day now, no thanks to the flu I’m currently nursing. Eesh. *sleepy smile*